Feeling a bit overwhelmed with some inevitable changes already happening or coming up soon, so I feel I have to write about them. When traveling long-term, one has to accept the either expected or unexpected turn of events that can shape the outlook of the experience.
The end of the triumvirate aka the wet butt company is parting ways
Sam is soon heading back to Europe planning to cross back with another captain, Yoel, who is delivering a boat to Marseille. If he nails this trip of 40-45 days on sea crossing back through the Azores and Gibraltar, he takes another step forward of starting to be actually taken seriously in the boating world and I wish the best for him to realize his goals in or outside this field. Erik is also planning his crossing back on his boat, which means, my inner circle is rapidly melting down close to 0 in the coming weeks. I have already made some other friends on the island, so it would be an overstatement to say that I’ll be left alone, but the fact that we have been traveling together for the past 3 (with Sam) to 5 (with Erik) months, has definitely left it’s mark on me.
Erik became a mentor and friend and I have already written about it in ‘The Dilemma’ post, how he has been influencing me tapping into the boating space more closely and Sam became sort of a brother-figure, with whom we were tied up sharing our aspirations, dreams, experiences and feelings we were going through throughout the crossing and while building up our lives in St Martin/Maarten. It’s also funny, because coming from a white-collar, corporate business world, I could not have spent my time with two more opposing figures than Erik and Sam, but I guess that’s exactly what I needed in the moment, to learn from other perspectives and lifestyles. And I’m forever grateful for that.
On one hand, I have some fears from the upcomings, how I will get along on my own, on the other hand I know that a new chapter is coming up again, and I have the control over, how this experience will look like. I consider it as another challenge or milestone in the process. And it’s great to see that some of the hitchhiker friends from Europe who have managed to cross the ocean, are also sticking around the Caribbeans, so if I ever get actually lonely, I can always visit them on the other islands. In fact, it would be lovely if somewhere along the way we could reconnect.
Licenses coming, money is going
I decided to get the PADI open-water diving certificate – for which the schedule has been in the limbo for weeks now, because in April-May time apparently there are no other applicants at the Dutch diving school, and the one on the French side has sadly burnt down after some drug addicts have been playing around with crackers that has turned into actual fire on the upper floor of its’ building. The STCW course is on the way too, starting 12th May, which is a must have to be able to get into the boating industry, but at the same time, knowing that the Caribbean season is coming to an end soon, I need to keep it in context, that if I want anything in the boating business, that realistically would only be in the next season – and I’m not sure if I’m going to / want to be here for another year. That’s 1.250 bucks out of my pocket. Gone. Fuck. On one hand I feel insane not doing it in Europe for the third price compared to here, on the other hand, I feel now I’m in the momentum to keep this running, and in the Caribbean boating space this cost is actually considered peanuts. If I ever make it in the boating world, I’ll regain that cost in a week or two. If not, well then, fuck it, I did something stupid again. Not the first, not the last. Nah, I’m joking, I think it will be actually fun, even if I would not be making it becoming a deckhand polishing boats 24/7.
BOMBOOCLAAAT no mo’ work
The work at the repair workshop seem to have come to an end too. Since the owner came back from his vacation last week, he’s not calling me back for work, he said the season is ending and he cannot offer more work for the moment. While I do see activity from their side still working on boats, since I didn’t get a feedback from them that I had been doing badly, I can only trust his words – after all, it’s actually true, the season is officially running out with 1st June, the start of the hurricane season and it’s already the 3rd May, so boats are leaving rather soon if they don’t want to get into hurricane troubles. Having a lot of extra free time actually shifted my focus from repairing boats more towards actually running boats, that after all can be a more exciting field on the long run.
The guardians of the catamaran
As a natural consequence, the cash I have allocated to this trip is burning faster. Luckily, since we have become boat-sitters, at least we’ve got free accomodation on a catamaran for the past 2 weeks. Which is a win-win, because at the same time we have been learning tons about running dingies, fixing outboard engines and just generally becoming more confident living a boat-life. Learning to live on a catamaran, checking on its electrics, bilges, solar panel batteries, etc, etc.
It was also great to experience the transformation of how we have stepped up from having no boating experience some months back, to being entrusted with keeping an eye on an expensive toy worth probably round 400k EURs. I do have to give the credit to Sam there, he has not just been doing a solid job looking out for the boat, but he has been nailing it showing proper ownership and responsibility at critical moments, like managing situations when other drifting boats were almost hitting our boat. He has been growing into becoming a literal 4 stroke outboard engine mechanic over the past 2 weeks, knowing what to do when the outboard engine lets us down – which has happened an awful lot, at least once, every single day. We were full time fixing the damn engine, which wasn’t fun. You want to get to land by 9am, a mile away? Better try starting the engine at 7, so if it doesn’t work, you have time to fix it. I still do feel myself awful clumsy at times touching the engine and troubleshooting it, but I learned a lot too and can finally make a difference between a cylinder and a carburetor. At the same time, Erik has stepped more into a supporting call center role, whom we could always give a call to, making sure we don’t screw up things big time, so we have been on frequent calls with him over the past 2 weeks, this time him guiding us remotely, how to fix things or handle situations. We have slowly, unnoticebly stepped on the frontline and we didn’t fail big time. The owner of the catamaran is back and happy, the catamaran is still floating, so we are happy too.
Following the flow
With the STCW and the open-water diving courses coming up, there is a lot to happen in the next few weeks, but I realized building up and sticking to a long-term plan of buying a boat and circumnavigating the globe is somehow hi-jacking the random nature of this travel and I’m not sure if I’m up for long-term committing there just yet. Honestly, I just felt awfully overwhelmed by putting this size of commitment on my shoulders. So I decided to take it easy and take an approach of going where the trade winds blow me. If it happens, it’s fantastic, but I don’t want to close out other cool travel opportunities and eventually try reaching the end goal, Patagonia – which in the past months has seemingly got out of sight. As a side note, I have been asking multiple seasoned captains, what they think of heading down from the Caribbeans straight to Patagonia, and well, based on their thoughts – that I haven’t fact checked yet, the currents and the wind is mostly against the direction, which means it’s easier to get closer to the African coast first and then back to Patagonia. A seasoned solo-sailor told me it’s easier to go back straight NE to the Azores first and from there down to Patagonia than near the Brazilian coastline.
Anyway. So my guiding principle at the moment is to go where I’m needed and do things that show up or where I have a gut feeling I need or want to be. This means this trip can go all kinds of ways really, and there is a real possibility, that I will actually never reach Patagonia. I also had to realize that I have picked Patagonia as one of the farthest spots on the globe, which leaves me enough time and space to reconnect with myself and find a way out from the existential crisis I dug myself deep into. Maybe there is no existential crisis actually. Maybe there is reborn existence. Maybe. Fuck knows. Anyway. See, my thoughts can go sideways. To repeat the cliche slogan, the journey is more important than the destination. So if you are only following this path, because you want to see some nice pictures of Patagonia, I might have to disappoint you. And that’s okay.
Mommy’s boy
My mom is pressurizing me at the same time to come to my senses, get back home, settle down, get married, make the family proud and live happily ever after, but I want to do that only, if and when I actually want to do that. We have this disconnect from the planning phase of my trip, where she thought she has a deeper influence over my decisions. In fact, I thought the same for a long time as well, and I cannot describe the liberating feeling when you come to realize that you are actually in charge of your own actions.
I think I actually went through 3 break-ups in 3 months last year. First breaking up with the ex, then leaving my workplace and then the last bit – which I perceived would be the hardest, to break up with my mom’s conventional thinking. One was not more important than the other and I don’t want to put her in the spotlight here, but having the realization that having the urge of pleasing someone with a very different life experience is always destined for failure – was a strong milestone to hit before actually start doing my own thing. I could write a separate post about my idea of our disconnects, which is an intriguing field that keeps my mind buzzing, where – in my view, the foundations may lie somewhere between trans-generational gaps driven by traumas deeply embedded in the Hungarian society due to its history, rapid digital technological advancement of the past 30 years, the paradigm shift of switching from socialist to open market economy without the society actually realizing how it has been impacting human connections and last but not least, well, having my father’s blood running through my veins. Actually it might just be the last one lol.
So my mom could not really find a grab on me this time, because I equipped myself on all these silly ideas above, some of may which actually just be true. I don’t really expect her to understand all my motives and at the same time I’m not taking this lightly. Frankly, one should only approach this with a higher level of compassion towards the other not withdrawing from keeping up the boundaries of self. Which is another deeper topic again, to talk about what self is actually made of – that I’ll avoid running into to try and explain my version this time.
Therefore, if I ever give up on continuing the trip, which always have a real possibility, that should come from me having a realization of some sort – eg. that it was enough, I have got enlightened, I ran out of money, I miss the family and friends, I’ve got bitten by a venom snake and I don’t have money to cover the medical costs, a shark bit off my toe while surfing and cannot walk back home anymore, so I need to fly, etc. I believe in the power of manifestation through thoughts and words and I don’t want no bloody shark or venomous snake bites, so I will strikethrough writing them down.
In other words, mom’s pressure doesn’t exist. It’s non-existente. It only exists if I ever give power to her pressure. At the same time I have to admit it moves me deeply and it keeps being a driving force to figure my things out on this trip. So I kinda try to transform it to an extra force, sort of a fuel that keeps me running.
Options. Options everywhere. With trade-offs. Hate trade-offs.
The past few days I have learned of some new exciting travel opportunities that I’m still processing. Met a captain, who might be looking for crew to drive a luxury US boat to Mexico. That would give me the wonderful occasion to visit the country longer, as I have only been to Mexicocity for a weekend about 5 years ago visiting my friend, Pepe who I have become friends with back in college during our scholarship semester in Germany. I have this silly vision of playing mariachi songs with my ukulele on the streets that I still haven’t given up yet. This time it could be a longer trip, actually going through the country, learning the culture and language, but on the flip-side I would likely had to give up on the STCW course and trying my chances in the boating world on the Caribbeans. Hard call.
I’m pretty sure I have a good chance helping out captains running their boats south from St Martin/Maarten before the hurricane season hits in, heading towards Martinique, Curacao or Trinidad. I have become friends with a lovely pair from Trinidad during hitchhiking and I made them a half promise – more to myself actually, that I would visit them. Looking at the past trends these islands are mostly safe from hurricane threats and would leave me some more time to figure my things out while still on the Caribbeans. Trinidad is one of the key destinations I feel attracted to so far. It’s like a magnet wanting me to visit it.
Tyson, the German businessman with a Jamaican accent, whose boat we have been sitting for the past few weeks, is planning to get his boats back to Jamaica where he lives in the coming months, which would be an amazing destination to hit before landing mainland Central America.
As a traveler, I feel impatient, because it’s been the second month I’m spending on St Martin/Maarten, and I feel the ground is getting ever thinner under my feet, not having an income, slowly living up my savings, having the season running out, which inevitably pushes me towards making a move sooner or later. At the same time, I want this move to be based on solid reasoning and rationale enabling the trip to unfold in ways that worths continuing. And damn, let’s be real, you cannot have it all. If you choose a big scoop of chocolate and vanilla ice-cream, you might have to give up on the pistacchio. The problem is, most of us love pistacchio. If I go one way, I have to give up on the other. And I’m really bad at giving up on things at the moment.
As I’m writing this down, I feel that I’m actually more prone to wait for how the STCW situation unfolds, and then look for the options available. That’s another 2 weeks, so shall see how this story carries on.
